... from Camp Gramma…

Chapter One
Let the Games Begin!

"Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children."
Proverbs 17:6

When first learning that my husband and I were going to be grandparents, I had four words to say:

“Let the games begin!”

I love being a grandma. To my way of thinking, it’s maximum fun with minimum responsibility. Yessiree. Gramma’s my name…spoiling is my game. Imagine my shock to learn that some people take a bit more convincing.

Why? For one thing it seems becoming a grandparent is unavoidably associated with aging. After all, the right of passage to grandparentdom is that first you must have children of your own. Or as a dear friend of mine so sweetly expressed it, “Becoming a grandparent is your reward for not killing your own children.”

Even so, some of us are just not ready. We simply do not see ourselves as old and in many cases we’re not. Fact is, thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, hair color and cosmetics, grandparents seem to be getting younger all the time. Even those a little further down the road when the grands join the entourage often don’t feel or look it.

I can identify. If, as they now say, forty is the new thirty, then being only forty-five when our first grandson was born, I barely met the criteria. To me that was—and still is—part of the fun. I love it when people say, “Why, you don’t look old enough to be a grandmother!” Even if they’re just being nice, it’s music to my egotistical ears.

The reality is that some of us are even young enough to still have a teenager or two at home. The last thing we want is to take on another toddler, even in small doses. Or, worse, end up raising our children’s children—something we seem to hear about happening more and more in this generation.

The majority of us, however, have arrived at the stage of life where we’re finally embracing the freedom of the empty nest. We’ve managed to get all our own kids out of the house, living a somewhat independent life style when…boom! We get the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. How fair is that? Our affections, not to mention our pocketbooks, are again in danger of being compromised. It gives the term baby boomers a whole new meaning.

So what’s a potentially begrudging grandparent to do? Here’s a suggestion:  Lighten up! I’m here to tell you that, even under less than desirable circumstances, this generation of grandparenting can be a glorious new game.

“Not another one!”

This was the somewhat-less-supportive-than-anticipated response I got from a good friend after telling her about my new book project, one geared toward encouraging women to bring balance back into their lives. Admittedly, it threw me a bit off-balance.

With a significantly softer tone, she continued. “Don’t we all know what the problem is by now? We’re too busy. Why can’t we just figure it out and fix it once and for all?”

Well, that is the question, isn’t it?

One that is being continually explored, judging from the number of articles in every major women’s magazine on eliminating stress, organizing your time…space…thoughts… yada, yada, yada.

Obviously my fastidious friend is right. Many articles and books have been written outlining the steps for setting boundaries and drawing margins in your life. And, may I add, purchased by the pound, indicating to me an urgent and on-going need.

Still her comments confirmed something I’d already determined. This book would need to take a different twist. Rather than expounding more on the what-to-dos, I decided that exploring the why-we-don’ts might prove more helpful. Now all I needed was a profound theme, one that every woman would relate to.

Of course. Laundry.

You see, I have a theory that life is like laundry. If we don’t stay on top of it, it piles up quickly and, when neglected too long, can get really stinky. Then what do we do? Instead of taking time to sort things out, we just toss everything into the washer at once to save time. The next thing we know the machine is overloaded, unbalanced and dancing out of control. And the items inside? Too soon we discover that either what should be dazzling has come out dingy or, worse, the colors have all run together.

When that happens, Sister, it’s time to turn off the spin cycle and take a look at how you’re handling the home goods.

Of course we’re not talking laundry here, but how to manage our lives and relationships in order to avoid the need for costly future repairs. It’s no secret. A machine that is constantly overloaded needs more maintenance and may still eventually break down.

The original adage, it all comes out in the wash, actually means not to worry. Given enough time, everything will eventually come out clean. Nice thought, and still true in some instances. However, today’s ‘wash’ has become a lot more complicated. We simply have to realize that the more we stuff in there, the less likely we’re going to be pleased with how things turn out.

Contrary to popular teaching, the key is not just better time management or optimum organization. Certainly those things can be useful tools in eliminating the clutter from our schedules and spaces. However, based on responses I’ve received from a vast repertoire of women’s retreats, plus my own experience attempting to balance the myriad responsibilities and expectations accompanying 38-plus years of marriage and ministry, I’ve come to another conclusion: Discipline only works long-term when it is spiritually motivated.

The best motivation for getting our lives in order is to truly understand how much God loves us, what a wonderful plan he has for our lives, and, if given a chance, how he will help us eliminate whatever interferes with it.

Trouble is, even with the best of motives, it’s not going to happen instantly or miraculously. That, my frazzled friend, is where the detergent hits the agitator.

This brings me to the poignant point my afore-mentioned friend went on to make, though much more eloquently than I. “The body of Christ in particular,” she lamented, “is still missing the fact that the problems of stress, overload and balance are really surface-to-root issues. It’s much deeper than merely adjusting one’s day-timer and trying to locate margins, although granted this would help. Understanding the spiritual root of what our society has evolved into, including the fact that “The World Is Too Much With Us” (a la Wordsworth) is the primary place to start. Without it I don’t think any of us will get ‘fixed’ and we sure won’t influence the world for the Lord.”

Well said, Sis.

Frankly, I’m not convinced that women want to do it all. In reality, how much of our added activity boils down to a subconscious search for identity, affirmation and validity. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Problem is, in our persistent pursuit we just keeping adding things on without taking time to prioritize or evaluate what needs to be subtracted. As a result, it’s a long, frustrating time before some of us surface long enough to discover where our true God-given gifts and passions really lie.

The truth is that no one lives without stress. If someone claims they’ve successfully eliminated angst from their lives, check their pulse. Stress is part of life and may not always be a bad thing. Why? Stress can motivate us to take stock and make improvements. Face it, if our lives worked like a well-oiled machine, there would be no need for improvement.

There would be no need for God.

You see, to be stressed is human; to ask for help, divine. We are human, and as such, in need of divine direction. Here’s the real good news. Once we realize we are not perfect, God may actually be able to do something wonderful with us.

So, ladies, are you ready to do some laundry? Perhaps together we can Gain some knowledge that may help us turn the Tide and determine the right reasons for making some necessary and important changes—ones custom-made in our size and shape. Who knows? In the process, we may even manage once and for all to clean up our act.